resend due to bounce: Toxic Parents

Why is it that I ended up with 2 male figures in my life that are
determined to screw up my life?

For example, for years my grandfather was sort of determined to see me
join the school football team or go enlist in one of the armed services.
Football had nothing for me, and I sure as hell didn't want to be in the
army or anything like that. I sort of get the impression that all these
years my grandfather viewed me as a disappointment. The football thing
was so that he could go to the games and brag I was on the team. Then I
find out after my grandfather passed away that HE HIMSELF didn't like it
when he got drafted into the Army-Air Force! I found a letter he wrote
to my grandmother that states this specific fact. If he didn't like it,
why the hell try to make me undergo the same torture?

This was the same grandfather who for years while I was driving the
truck under his name and insurance plan was determined to never give me
a fair break on the cost of insurance. He signed the truck over to me a
few years ago, but not to do me a favor but out of spite. As it turned
out, my insurance on the truck is lower than what I was paying my
grandfather anyway. At least for now.

There was also the final time he gave his family members $100 for
Christmas, but for some reason he didn't want to give me anything. Mom
spoke up for me telling him if Andy doesn't get his $100, then don't
give anyone else anything either. I mean what the hell did I ever do to
him? Well... I have no idea why he bitched about it, but he made some
stupid remark that some times when he came to our house, I wouldn't say
hi or make some point of greeting him. You know, he was just my
grandfather, and I had no obligation to even speak to him. I don't
understand crazy stuff like that. He didn't respect me at all and
couldn't understand why anyone would like videogames or computers.

Anywho to wit: My mom showed me an email she got from my father. (Yes,
he's still alive.) It's because of my own father that I can't understand
why my Aunt's hubby would be on the phone to his own father to talk
about football games they were watching. I have no "bond" of anything to
my own father. I consider him an asshole for things he's done and I will
never forgive him for doing.

Anywho the email... Basically it had something to do with him
contributing to my nieces' college fund thingies, though with the
disclaimer "This could change if Kathy finds out" or if any of his
children produced with Kathy have kids.

Now, I see my old man is "pussy whipped" in this case. If he can't make
simple decisions about his money without anyone else saying something,
and it doesn't put any financial strain on things, then he might as well
give up now. It's his money, free to do as he pleases. He claims he made
offers of "school money" to me and my younger sister. All I remember of
that is one joking reference to paying off my student loan, which he
seemed ready to do something with (I turned it down since I wasn't
serious about that), and then the incident when he got this big SSI
award of over $10K, then offered each of his kids $1K. Of course the
kids he lived with at the time got theirs, but me and my younger
sister... Oh no, we couldn't just have it handed to us. He wanted us to
call him on his personal 800 number and beg for it.

I don't beg for something just because, and especially when others
didn't have to.

Anywho the email... He then makes this comment that shall be
paraphrased: He questioned if I was happy with what I was doing, did I
want a wife and family, that maybe I should get "counseling" or be
forced to move out and live on my own.

Why is he worried about something that he has absolutely no say about???
It's not his life. He gave up saying anything about what I do when I
turned 18. Just because my younger sister has a family, I should have
one too? Maybe I'm waiting for him to die before I have kids? We kept
the fact of my nieces from him, mainly because of things he's doing now.
One of the things I don't approve of is some of the things he's given my
nieces involve religious stuff. I hadn't had much of an exposure to
religion or churches until much later. I don't approve of polluting a
young child's mind with this stuff until much later (10 or 12 is OK I
guess) when they can make an opinion whether or not this "God" stuff is
for them. It's not for me, and I've made an informed opinion of it all.
Some people go to extremes. I do not want to see my nieces become like
that. People in those extremely religious families just creep me out.

Anywho, my grandfather and my own father... not content to leave me
alone and want to try to ruin my life. It's not going to happen. Of
course, I'm not happy with what I'm doing. I took the job I got now
because I had nothing. I'd like something better, but being dependent on
the meager amount I make... leaves little time to seek other forms of
paid torture. Having a family requires more money. And as for getting
married, I haven't been able to find the right person. The opportunity
hasn't happened. Plus the was I was treated all those years ago, no
wonder I have bad social skills. My older sister got to do things, but
not me. And then my father has the nerve to say anything about my life
now? Yeah right.