I was fine until I got home

My younger sister had our little family get together with my mom's
sister (our aunt) and her hubby at her home today. We had a nice meal
and all.

I took in the gifts for my nieces that I had and the 2 packages Mom had
managed to get earlier this year, and they liked them.

Then I got home and lost it. I sobbed. She didn't get a chance to do
more for them like she always would, spending money she didn't have. She
didn't get to see their faces as they saw the gifts she got for them.
And she won't be able to do that anymore. If you don't count the dolls
she bought when she was working - she intended to give them to her
granddaughters when they got old enough and had a place to put them. I
don't know when that will be. She obviously had some idea when they
would be able to have them.

I don't remember what else mom had bought over the net and I stored in
the extra room that she also intended to give them, but hopefully I will
be able to go through the room and maybe find something. I don't know.
It was pretty hard to give my youngest niece the Dora set that was still
here back in October right after mom passed away.

As a kid, I used to like this time of year. As an adult, I grew to hate
this time of year perhaps jaded because of worldly reality. I find
myself unable to reciprocate in a way I wish I could. But with my mom
not here anymore, it's just downright goddamn depressing.

I didn't have the annoyance of helping mom wrap gifts like last year.
There was no decorating. It's so bizarre that without her, I actually
miss doing that with her, except the decorating.

It's not fair she's not here anymore. She deserved better than she got.

I really need to find someone.

Stuff on TV during the day

As usual, one of Ted Turner's channels did its 24 hour repeating of A
Christmas Story, the movie adapted from Jean Sheppard's "In God We
Trust, All Others Pay Cash" book. Other channels also did repeating of
some other movie over and over or marathons of popular shows, and that's
nice. You get used to seeing the movies and eventually, you can
summarize them. A Christmas Story is like this:

- Higbee's Window (btw part of the movie was shot in Cleveland, Ohio if
you didn't know)

- Scheming

- Furnace Problems

- Goofy Teeth

- The Metal Pole Triple Dog Dare

- The Christmas Theme (essay)

- Neighborhood Bully, Scut Farkis

- "I won!" and the Redneck Dogs

- Getting the Piggie to Eat

- The Major Award, then Radio Time

- Ralphie has Thematic Delusions

- Buying a Tree with Fudge and Soap

- Gifts for Teacher (how does he afford that basket?)

- Decoding the Secret Commercial in the key of B2

- Furnace Trouble leads to Award Trouble

- Christmas Theme grade and Bully Beatdown
(you can see a bit of a crew member shadow on a chair next to the
kitchen table at the part the mom talks to Randy under the sink)

- Seeing Santa

- The Tree is Up then Christmas Morning

- The Red Rider BB Gun

- The Bumpus Redneck Dogs ransack the turkey

- Chinese Restaurant

- fin

She shoulda stayed home

Moments ago, my sister brought up the subject "helping" to pay on that money that's going to our aunt. Then the subject about rent. Then she goes on to say that I'm expecting her to pay everything, which I'm not. I can't handle all those other payments on things and my credit cards, too. It's just not happening. I don't have anything extra coming in. I'm still waiting for BVR to help me with something.

It's getting blood from a rock.

I knew this would happen. Mom's gone, she's picking a fight with me about money. I don't know what she thinks I can handle. I don't understand why this has to be an issue.

It must be ON for a REASON

So my older sister is up for the holiday break.

Already she's done some boneheaded things. Minor, but it requires a
talking to when the time is right.

I have my mom's reading light on a timer. It turns on some time in the
morning, shuts off at night. It's my way of retaining some normalcy so
the light is coming on and turning off as if my mom was still using the
light. It's a 27 watt fluorescent. It's a pittance of electricity.

I also use one of those little electric radiators in the downstairs
rooms. It helps with heating, uses less electric than the useless
baseboard heaters. Without it, the baseboards would have a hell of a
time heating the rooms on their own, requiring me to turn them up to
maximum.

I go downstairs to notice it's colder than it should be. Then after
getting my breakfast, I notice it's also darker than it should be. Wait,
it's after 10 am, Mom's light should be on.

The light and heater were both switched OFF. Doesn't she realize the
heater is kinda required? Only time to shut it off is when I'm using the
microwave in the kitchen (the circuits in the house are funky). The
light is on a timer. It's not a burden to keep it on.

WHY WAS THE HEATER TURNED OFF?? Oy Vay.

Heh. I have my proof again

In case anyone wants to doubt my problems of late with random internet trolls putting derogatory comments on my blog about a post I have moved for the time being to a private blog... I recently got into checking my pages rescued off Geocities with Jimdo. On a random decision, I decided to check my guestbook. Sure enough, derogatory comments were left there, pretty much matching in content the comments I removed from my blog. What these asshats don't know is that, fortunately for me, my guestbook host LOGS IP ADDRESSES. Thankfully also for me, There are plenty of IP Database lookups on the net, even including approximate map locations.

Now, it's no mystery at all who was doing this and the reason they were doing it. But now I have absolute proof with this additional information. I am currently compiling evidence. Enjoy your visits from authorities.

Random thoughts about Christmas

As a child, I never wanted clothes as a gift. That was the kind of thing
you got bad kids, I thought. I, usually like other kids my age, wanted
toys, but my grandfather would always say "You can't cover your ass with
toys and go to school!" Either he just didn't get it, didn't appreciate
grandchildren, or thought of us as an extra expense he felt he shouldn't
have to pay because mom didn't have a job and we were on welfare and
kind of depended on her parents to help us with things like clothes.

Browns Win, 10 degrees

I'll bet Cleveland is just hopping today after the Browns beat the
Steelers in a cold weather game last night. 7 sacks on Rothlesberger
(sp). Of course, if I still had Cleveland locals, I could have watched
the game on WKYC, but as it was, NFL Network had the game anyway, so I
got to see the last half. But I missed seeing them talk about the game
on WOIO 19. Quinn was the QB for Cleveland. I hope this gets replayed!
They came so close in the last 2 games in winning, but a stupid
defensive penalty let the Detroit Lions win, and I forget who the last
game was against, but it was a close loss. Now the players can feel what
it's like to beat Pittsburgh again! Get used to doing that!! The Defense
was doing its job, but it would have been nice to see Quinn be more
productive.

Mom got to see their other win earlier this year, and I wish she could
have seen this win. She'd have really enjoyed it.

The temp went down to 10 degrees overnight and this morning and I pulled
my battery for the first time this year. I know it would have been dead
today if I hadn't.

Just Great. Really. (sarcasm)

So tonight while I'm on the computer doing stuff I hear this odd tap noise coming from the kitchen. I think it's the cat playing with something. Only it doesn't stop. So I go out there and find the drip that's been attempted to be plugged from the roof is coming through the crack recently put up with the drywall. So that spot is leaking again!!!

I'm all for just sawing off the supports to the stairs and such for Apt. C here and covering it with a layer of plywood and then properly shingling the roof instead of this stuff that comes in rolls. Or a sheet of metal of something. Then let the stairs and such for Apt. C just rest on top of it. The way it's been built is not working at all. Just because it's leaking isn't a reason to abandon it. Fix it right at least and in a way that actually works!

So anywho, I panic, do some stopgap temporary things to try to help the situation and call my sister. While I know she can't do anything about it from where she is, I thought it best to at least notify her about it. Then the next couple of things she says annoys me.

Maybe it's not practical to live here. Maybe in a year somewhere else. WHAT??? I have no where else to go!! What the heck is she thinking? There was an agreement not to kick me out for any reason. Mom was so worried that is what would happen to us, and to me when it would come to pass that she's no longer here.

It's been about a month since going to the J&FS office for things, and I've faxed her documents on 3 different calls. I've heard NOTHING.