My greatest fear

My greatest fear is being alone when I die. I may have a cat nearby, but it makes me sad to think I could pass away alone in bed or sitting in a chair or on a couch, and Marmalade comes up to me to tap me with a paw to ask for food and I don't respond. He may then very well curl up on my lap or chest and wait for me to wake up. I don't know if I'll outlive my pet(s), but I'd hate to have to be alone when it happens and leave my cat by himself. How soon will I be found? Will my cat be able to summon help? This is something being married and having a family prevents.

It makes me cry to think about it. I'd rather not but it comes to mind from time to time. I wouldn't want Marmalade to suffer like that. I would hope family would take him in and let him live out his time with people who love him.

Having to move when I shouldn't have to

So.. I'm moving. Into a place I didn't really want to go into. It's a broom closet. Hogwarts professors have had better accommodations. I'm being forced to give up things, rehome one of my cats, and just end up somewhere I don't want to be. In the coming months, I'll chronicle things there and write some of the disruptive month I went through to get where I ended up.

Some things in there: I considered suicide but a video posted by Logan Paul around New Year's Day convinced me not to. That and I didn't want to have people who know me having to explain what happened to me.

You have no idea how many ways I investigated places to move to, plans if I hadn't won the lottery, and when I finally do, my plans after that.

And I will fill in the blanks of the abuse I've suffered. I may post videos.