Little things set me off to tears

I look at the shopping list and the meal plan my mom wrote last week. All those meals she was looking forward to enjoying. Then I look in the fridge, and there's all those quart containers of hand made saurkraut made at the Algonqiun Mill Festival a couple weeks ago. Then as I put a bag of trash from the clothes hamper she had near her bed in the trash outside, there's the pizza box from Friday (or was it Thursday?). Her last pizza.

Then there's that stupid ball on a rope tied to the pole that she bought for some reason, thinking my nieces would go out to play with it. I probably should bring that ball and rope in.

She was looking forward to getting her other cataract operation over with so she could see without glasses for the first time in over 40 years.

We got done today making arrangements for services and payments with the funeral home. At least we also know now who to go to and have my grandfather's DOD engraved on his marker.

I called her Uncle Wilbur's family suddenly having his name come to mind. His wife answered and thanked me for letting them know ahead of the notice appearing on the local cable channel for such notices. We still have her sister, currently on vacation, to get ahold of. I'd like her notice to appear in 2 papers at least.

These are the kind of things nobody should have to deal with but will have to at some point.

Mom, I got your air conditioner out of the window last night. I'm taking care of Melody for you. We were simply blessed that my best friend's parents found her and she made her way to us after Ariel died.

There will be a coroner's report. No autopsy. We'll have to figure out who to contact in regard to getting a copy of the report. They did the usual lab and blood work. Mom will like that. She's always want to do blood work since graduating with a Medical Laboratory Technician's degree (Associate) in the early 1980s. Never got a chance to use her skills.

There will be some items we'll be selling since none of us really needs it. Mom certainly took advantage of being able to get the things she needed for her comfort. She went all out. Toilet riser. Hospital style side table. She needed the CPAP, but at least got things like lights and such.

She was house bound and her entire life was getting on Pogo, other online stuff and shopping... Oh yeah, I was up all night getting through a lot of that crap. Ugh. She got a credit card somehow, and naturally fell behind trying to pay it off, and due to late charges, got a 29.99% APR. Last statement I see here has that on it.

I managed to get into most of her important accounts (utilities, financial (paypal)) as well as some for websites that for some stupid reason she paid for a membership. Some had auto-renew memberships. I turned those off NOW.

I've been awake since Thursday morning, not a wink of sleep. I might eventually get some. Melody is sleeping and snoring on the bed. At least we'll get back the pillow(s) that went with mom the other day.

I wonder when we'll eventually find the box for her other walker basket that we thought got lost?

Well, it's 12:30 and I don't think her aid is coming today, so the lady got my message.

Ironic how her ordered ink cartridges arrived the day after she passed away. I was able to cancel 3 unshipped books from Amazon.

At least she got to see me pass my CompTIA A+ exams, even if the certificate isn't here yet. I'd have really liked to have her see that.

She liked fishing. I don't know why. Her favorite photo is from one trip to Lake Erie with my grandfather and best friend. You can't see either in the photo of The Big Catch because one isn't in the shot, and the other is on the deck of the boat, seasick. ^_^

I'm starting to feel tired. Ah good. I'll get some rest. I've got so much yet to do.

My mother just passed away

I hate thinking my father is going to load up my blog and see this. I hope he will just butt out.

I hate to inform my friends and anyone who really cares about me that my mother passed away this afternoon, some time between 2 and 3 pm, 3 pm being when I found her. I tried to wake her up to let her know I was going in town to get her medication that Nurse Amy called in for her recent chest congestion, which unfortunately she probably got from me.

I've been trying to contact all her doctors, friends, and services in regard to her passing. I have a lot of crap to deal with in the coming weeks and beyond. Utilities to change into my name. Services I'll need to sign up for. I'm likely going to need counseling.

We never got around to putting that 1 Gig of RAM in her Dell. She got to see me pass my CompTIA A+ tests the first time through.

Nobody had EVER say that I was neglectful, that I did not do enough. I will smite thee, as the saying goes. Don't ANYONE ever say that about this to me.

The oxygen concentrator is off. It's so quiet now. The TV isn't on. I don't know what I'm going to make for supper. My nieces are going to be so sad.

I wish I was married already so I wouldn't have to face this alone and then be alone. I have my friends, but they don't live with you. I don't know what I need exactly, but I sure could use a spouse with an income at the moment.

My mother was the last person standing in my older sister's way to keep her from screwing me over.

I had some pretty dark days following being fired from the grocery store.

I miss my mom.

They could have explained this in the manual

Well, after a significantly long recharge, the phone works again.

Really, they should have explained what the phone will do when it REALLY
needs recharged. I'll bet they never thought to put something like that
in...

A mixed bag

So anywho, I can finally say for now the Check Engine light has gone out
for about 2 weeks. So far, so good.

Browns won their first game of this season.

And I hope it's just a battery that needs charging in the cell phone. I
tried to turn it on while waiting for my mother's prescriptions to be
filled, but all it would do is come on, give me a white screen for a few
moments, then shut down immediately. The battery wasn't dead by a long
shot. It had at least 2 more bars of battery charge showing. I last used
it Saturday and I remember shutting it down when I got home.

If it continues this immediately shutting down business, I don't know
what to do with it. It still has some months of service left and over
600 units of airtime left. I almost got mad enough to slam it on the
floor at the store. If it's a nearly dead battery, OK, so that's what it
does when the battery is damn near dead. Other than that, I or my
friends who got it for me may have to call Tracfone and bitch them a new
one. I still have some pics (correction: maybe HAD) I wanted to get off
the thing.

As much as they are useful, it's stuff like this that makes me think why
people even have them when they go bad. I've taken very good care of it,
so I have no idea what happened to it or anything.

I wish I had a SIM card reader...

If it works again like it should after charging, I'll try sending a post
to let people know.

Liz's Magic Knight Rayearth bling

Liz's MKR Bling on Youtube

Recent video I've finally put up on Youtube. It took an hour and a half due to our slow connection. It was captured with the Tevion USB video capture box, recoded into an MP4 to fix the gamma and contrast and some bottom edge clipping, then re-encoded without loss of resolution into WMV where I was able to edit the clip into what I put up.

Hopefully this will get her attention and finally get in touch more regularly. I don't know if I have more footage of her...

In Memorium: Duane Dawson, 20 years later

While today's date, October 10th, holds some happiness for me (my
youngest niece's birthday is today), it also holds some other sad
meaning for me and a friend.

While attending Stark Technical as it was called then, from 1987 until
when I graduated in 1990, I got to meet people and for a short time my
friend of who knows how many years at that point also attended. During
1989, thanks to another friend who used the local BBS handle of Lord
Humungous (aka Rick), we got to meet a fellow by the name of Duane
Dawson.

My friend and Lord H got to spend more time with Duane than I did, but I
got to know him quite well and he was a "cool dude" to know. He even
drove me and Lord H to my house after classes one day.

I wish I had a photo of Duane. Or even of his friend Ed, who had an
Apple II system he was wanting to sell. In my archive of stuff, I still
have the handwritten in pencil ad he wrote so I could try putting it up
on local BBSs or someplace hoping to score him a sale.

Just before the week of October 10, 1989, Duane finally managed to buy
the leather jacket he had his eye on for some time. However, on October
10, 1989, he and Ed were on their way home back to Wooster or
thereabouts to their jobs after classes. Unfortunately, it was raining
that day and Duane was driving way too fast. His car hydroplaned and
crossed the center line, crashing into a van headed east.

Both were killed upon impact.

I still have the copy of the STC Student Newsletter that has the
announcement of the accident. Hopefully I'll dig that out and put it up
here, and in addition to that, maybe the clip of video I had recorded
(with audio) of us doing our Techniques of Writing presentation, with a
"Mad Lib" type of program I wrote. Duane, my friend, and I did this for
each of the blurbs we were supposed to present. I think we got a good
score for it. Aside from that, the only other thing I have of Duane is
him belching into the mic of my micro cassette recorder. He was fun
because he did things like that. Though I'm sure and I hope he'll
comment, my friend who spent more time with Duane and Lord H as a group
has more interesting stories to tell, like the bat in the sporting goods
store at the mall. Even though he was the one to blame, it's stuff like
that I missed out on.

I might have said some heartless things to Lord H in email on local BBSs
that off the top of my head were the first things I could think of, but
knowing now that I have Asperger's, it was the only way I knew how to
deal with something like that. It probably also drove a gap between me
and Lord H, whom I really liked. He was cool, too. In some years
following Duane's death, I used to call Rick on October 10th when I
still knew his number and we'd talk for a while. I forgot when I stopped
doing that. Last time I knew anything about Rick, he was working for
FedEx or some place like that.

Duane and Ed. I was hoping to get to know Ed as he seemed an OK person
since after all he was Duane's friend. I can't believe it's been 20
years already.

T.T

A RANT: The Big Screw by Satellite TV

OK so a while back, we used to have Dish Network. But because we moved
only 1 mile to the east, but still part of the same zip code, Dish
Network forced a change of "local" channels to Youngstown instead of
Cleveland stations we had been getting.

Only because we moved 1 mile to the east, on the edge of a neighboring
county, but still SAME ZIP CODE.

So we dumped Dish Network, and DirecTV promised us, yes we could still
get Cleveland stations through them.

Just this past week, and even today, I get notices that Oh Wow DirecTV
is going to be changing something about the locals we get. Well, if it
means getting the WRONG locals for our SAME ZIP CODE as before, then
there's going to be a problem.

This somehow involves an "upgrade." I don't see how this is an upgrade.
It's a downgrade. We're still in the SAME zip code.

For some stupid reason, they cite some 2004 law, claiming they're using
Neilsen research to determine local market stations based on ZIP CODE,
but it looks like they want to use where you actually LIVE in the ZIP
CODE.

What does this mean? I HATE TIME WARNER. This Forces My Hand - I'll Drop
Digital Satellite Altogether If we're being forced to take local
channels that isn't our market. My committment to DirecTV is pretty much
up. They're more expensive than Dish Network, but up until now, we had
the right market for our ZIP code, namely Cleveland. When Channel 3
shows the Browns pre-season games, we would end up missing them because
they're not shown anywhere else.

Why Do I Hate Cable? Continual Rate Increases Every Year. Kickbacks to
the local government to allow them to remain a monopoly. They pass on
"franchise" and "regulatory" fees instead of taking that as an expense
of doing business. CABLE IS EVIL. Time Warner Also Doesn't Have NFL
Network. They may have Big Ten, but they're being asses about the NFL
channel. Gee, digital satellite services have it at no extra cost!

Plus Satellite TV gets unfairly taxed.

So what do I do? Can I explain to these people I'm STILL IN THE SAME ZIP
CODE? Can I refuse this "upgrade"? Would I stop getting Cleveland locals
as a result and have to pay an unfair fee later?

Youngstown is not my market, and I should not be force to have to get
locals I do not want.

What took them so long to do this? Why now? Their Neilsen research data
is FLAWED.

What is the absolute cheapest cable TV service I can get without being
forced to use a cable box?

Article: Just Add Water

Found this webpage linked to from the autism newsgroup.

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/features/wave-hello-to-the-surf-genius-with-aspergers-1797025.html

Some of the comments below it are of interest to me, such as:

I have Asperger's, and I suffer because of other people.

To most people, I would say "Please make the effort to get to know me in
spite of my behaviors." Some of the few who already have would say good
things about me.

Taiyaki

First takoyaki, now taiyaki!

USB PCI Cards are neat

Got my ordered $5 USB 2.0 PCI card from Microbarn yesterday. I let it
sit around to warm up from being outside. Jeez, the last week or so has
been darn cold, or at least cooler than it really should be around this
time of year. I really hope this doesn't mean another 10 below Zero kind
of winter. OH SH....

Anywho, I get upstairs, open up the P4 case, and into the slot the sound
card was, goes in the USB card. NEC Chipset and all.

Power it up, and XP finds the card! And seems to like it very well. The
CD that came with it has drivers for Windows 98 so I don't even need it.

I begin attaching devices to it. The little $10 digital camera still
doesn't seem to work well as a PC web camera. Oh well, let's get to the
high speed video capture box. That installs easily and it WORKS. OMG.

Plug in a thumbdrive, no complaints that it could run faster! Plug in my
external hard drives. Seagate comes up fast! Plug in the Maxtor - it
doesn't give me delayed write errors. Wooo!!!

Now to get the DVD burner and keep looking for 16G thumb drives.

This card has an internal USB port. I could probably put the 16G drive
on that. I'll have to see if it doesn't cause problems. Too bad I can't
reconnect the front panel USB ports to that internal one. They're good
for game controllers anyway.

ANY time you run into a system with No or Slow USB ports, get a 2.0
card. I could have easily wasted $35 at Best Buy but instead got this $5
card that does the job. Cheap but still high quality!