Is this depression?

Well it had to happen.

Combined with the running out of propane on Christmas, and having to
scramble to put $750 in mom's checking, only to have a $191 check for
her meds bounce earlier that same g-damn day, and then realizing the
crap she did in the past 2 months put her in another financial hole...

She bought my nieces christmas gifts off Amazon and eBay. She bought the
dog some stuff she didn't need. She had my sister get her stuff from
Sam's club we didn't need!!! She got a case of "thrush" and had to spend
$50 on some stupid medication to get rid of that!!

The gifts mom wrapped for my nieces are still sitting around the 4 foot
fiber optic tree she also didn't need!!! (well, for one reason of
illness or another, this is somewhat explanable, but unwrapped gifts
that were supposed to be opened on Christmas is depressing to look at.)

There's were her f-ing $191 medications went!!!!!

We finally filled out the HEAP application for aid to pay her electric
and propane for heat. She had better well call the county human services
department and get an appointment to sign up for medicaid which would
pay for her medications. She didn't have to spend her own SSDI money on
what she didn't need to spend it on... She's Disabled, and should have
had her hand out asking for all the stuff she's supposed to get!! I
don't understand this sh!t...

When I put money to cover the propane check in her account from some of
my own money and savings, I was a little depressed. Then the letter from
the credit union saying before I came in they bounced the $191 check
that same day because she didn't have enough to cover it. Must have been
$35 before they deducted the $15 fee. Now I gotta go out there and hope
I can put around $200 in there before the $191 check is processed again
or even before the $750 one bounces as well!!!!!

Things she had my sister by at sam's club included coffee creamer
(powdered) which I get $1.29 at Aldi's in big containers. Why the hell
get the crap at Sam's club??? And then the container of clothes soap!! I
bought a gallon of stuff for $2!! Then the rolls of film... and the
smoked turkey we didn't f-ing need. She did it again, and this time it's
likely to be the last. She spent money she had no business doing, she
won't delete her ebay or paypal accounts, and I'm getting fed up. If I
have to get her power of attorney somehow so she'll stop wasting money
she doesn't have, I will.

It's probably depression she's causing me to have. I wish I could get
away somehow. Disappear or something. I can't stand it. I don't know why
she wants to just disappear, get fat, and not fight for herself. She'll
have to settle the BWC suit to get money. I'll bet we'll have to sell
her car, she'll have to close out her 401k. I wish she had turned 62
already, then maybe she could get a reverse mortgage on grandpa's house
in her name and be able to live more or less OK for some time. I need to
get married and move out. Problem is, if we should get separated, I'll
likely never see my family ever again. Some I won't speak to, the rest I
won't have time because I'll be too busy trying to live. They might as
well be dead at that point.

I hate the holidays, and even more so now.